At some point I believe every human being visits the place I am right now..
I honestly don’t think I am misunderstood or frustrated at all in the sight of God or others… just finding myself in me..
It’s somewhere hidden.. I seemed to have lost it..With all the other stuff going on around me.. I look and say.. But where is Kevilyn in all this.. I misunderstand myself.. I say one thing then I think.. I could not have said that.. I do one thing and I think.. Man, I must have been real frustrated and desperate for release to do that..
I think I should have grown more by now, I should be further along by now.. I misunderstood the conditions of this contract called life.. it says that as long as your living you are growing.. I wrote on a piece of paper yesterday and believe it or not 10 years from now that paper will not be the same..
I have some patterns to break, some habits to reform, and some life goals to recalculate..
I love my children with all my heart and I could not imagine living life with out them.. I was doing very good up until … well, before I had them… Now the real me comes out.. I yell, I don’t have half enough patience with them to be the mother they need half the time and I just generally frustrate them because I misunderstand them.. I misunderstand that they need to be children, they need to play, they need to TALK! Lord, do they need to talk, they need attention, they need love they need an example and sometimes I sit back and look in the mirror and wonder am I enough.. Is my example enough.. It’s certainly filled with imperfection.. Is it?? These are not the people I want to raise.. Not people like I currently am.. This is not the marriage I want to have, not like I currently am.. I have to change, I have to change some major things because right now I am misunderstood and definitely talking my way through frustration!