Today at about 6p it will mark the time of my mother’s death 2 years ago. I still remember it like it was yesterday! That morning, all my family had gathered together in Memphis who lived there, in that hospital room and they were there to call me on a conference call to make the decision as power of attorney on whether my mother would be coming off the ventilator or not.
See I had a talk with my mother when I had gone down there no one knew about .. I was certainly not willing to let her go home to be with the Lord..
I told her.. “Mama, I don’t want you to go, I need you, and I want you to stay, I love you so much, and Mama, my children need you! So please, please stay I promise I won’t leave you again!”
She looked at me with that ventilator on her and when everyone had come back into the room, she was asked if she would like to stay and fight to live or if she wanted to be taken off the ventilator, to our surprise she’d raised her right hand and shook her head as they requested.
In the back of my mind I wondered if she had done it for me.. I wonder if she was feeling what they call “A mother’s love” and she had blocked out all that pain she was feeling and because she remembered us..Tiera was only 13… and she thought it worth staying!
Until my mama died, I was not really one who encouraged staying here on this earth.. I would always say how I was looking forward to my heavenly home when I could be with the Lord, but on this day.. It was the hardest decision for me to make to tell those doctors on that phone after questioning them sharply to see if there were any hope possible.
I couldn’t do it.. As much as I advocated heaven and I knew she would be going there.. I could not bring my lips to say it.. “Take her off the ventilator and let her go home” I kept hoping miraculously somehow she would live when they took her off of it! Something would happen and she would be okay!
She wasn’t… They took her off that ventilator at 4p that day and she died at 6:05p… It was one of the hardest days of my life.. Shew as gone.. I was with my brother Marty, and they didn’t want me to drive home with my kids in this state.. although it hadn’t completely hit me yet.. She was gone.. and I would not be seeing her again… On this earth.. Ever! I wanted to pick up the phone and call her cell phone number and have her answer me.. “Mama, are you there” I would say.. I wanted to hear her say what she would always say to me.. “It’s a good day, you know why? because I woke up this morning”
I knew in my heart she would never say that again and I had to somehow work up the courage and strength to release her. After all hadn’t the rheumatoid arthritis caused her to struggle enough.
I heard a sermon a couple of months ago when a pastor preached: “After Death Comes Dancing” In any way you want to look at it.. If I was dying to myself and my fleshly desires although it may not seem pleasant, dying is never pleasant by the way, but when you do, after that initial sting.. Life everlasting, life more abundantly comes..
I couldn’t receive it then.. But somehow I knew… when time had passed and I was still grieving God had her…She was with the King of kings and she was not experiencing any pain any more, she was not being plagued by bill collectors anymore and she was not having to suffer any kind of pain… emotionally, mentally, or physically! She was better off… Like a refreshing water it came over me and I was able to accept it.. After a very very long process, I had to accept that I could miss her and let her go too! And now my mourning is because of the joy I feel that she is far better off than I could ever imagine!