Well, it’s almost been a month since I made my switch and I am going to have to be honest with my world of friends.. I have been bought to a season of questioning. It’s ironic, you see to know who you are in Christ and to know whose you are effects everything about you!
I have seen some women who can wear wigs like no body’s business as a matter of fact I have one cousin whom I have never EVER seen her natural hair because every time I see her she’s wearing a wig.. In our society we have so many ways to do things.. If you don’t like the color of your eyes, well, just change them, you don’t like the size of your belly, well, there are diet pills out there and surgeries that can promise you results in a matter of hours.If you don’t like the length of your hair add some weave or dye it if you can’t stand your gray!
Here in America, we have so much to do.. We have to try and please others with the way we look.. And I’m just going to be honest I dealt with this in the heaviest way as I contemplated going to see my family in Memphis, it was a last minute trip, but I still decided to go.. I kept thinking, what will they say about my hair.. I am officially nappy! And short at that, I have never been like this before.. My dad did not say one word about my hair, he did not say it was cute or ugly, much of my family did not say anything they just looked and made a comment they noticed my hair was gone and this is not they way they are used to seeing me!
Let me just add this is not the way I am used to seeing me. So the question arose.. Do I love myself like this?? You know as I am!? I have already said, I love Jesus and I have already told you I know I am accepted in Him, but could I still be bound to the opinion of others?
As I thought about going to my husband’s job today, I thought about his associates and I said to myself… Here it is, he works this prestigious job with these other people who make truck loads of money each pay check and here I am walking in there this “nappy” girl, they probably would look at me like the slave girl..
you know slavery is over! They declared independence on that stuff years ago! And we are not in Africa, there are resources available to make yourself look very presentable.. Whatever your issue is there is a resource that can help you overcome that, in our society!
So as I began this day I had a huge question for myself…”Are you comfortable in your own skin?” Do you like the way you look? many of you know I have become obsessed with my weight, the last year I have just gone completely overboard with every workout you could imagine, whatever would work to make me a healthy weight, because in the eyes of my scale I was overweight and I did not like the size of clothes I was wearing, it did not make me feel good about myself.. So I started taking unhealthy measures.. You know what I did.. I stopped eating… I started starving myself.. and for awhile it was good.. until I realized it was causing other complications.. I lost the weight but it felt like my health was going down too, so I had to do something different! Today, thankfully I am a healthy weight, but God forbid what would happen if the scale started tipping upward again.. I don’t want to miss out of life so I fight for quality at all cost.. Not so much quantity!
But seriously, my life is a mess, and when I asked myself those questions I am scared to death at the answer… It is time! It’s time to truly trust that God is the answer that I can love myself in the skin I am in, that I can be myself and not have to worry about if I am accepted by everyone around me.. I have been dealing with this a long time now and some people say its hard to change overnight, but I refuse to wear a wig, I refuse to wear track, I refuse these things because they would only make me who I am not.. although I have contemplated very heavily kinky twist… or micro braids until I can get through this short hair stage and get my hair back to a length I think is healthy while I continue to work on my weight.. I need lots of prayer you all, because I am the first to confess I have issues.. I really need a restructuring of my life.. But I live this thing.. day to day.. I gotta live it for me and you gotta live it for you and we have to realize we can never be anyone or anything other than we are and the sooner we realize that the more peace we will experience to enjoy the life we have been given!