Sometimes, it’s really cool to ask yourself the hard questions… To sit back and think of that saying one of the greatest philosophers ever quoted… “Know Thyself”!
it is great that God knows me and I think that is awesome that He knows all about me, good bad and ugly.. But what does it matter if I know nothing about me.. If I give my whole life to helping and doing what others like about me and never find what I like about myself.
In this season I am a stay at home mom.. And I am just starting a new system.. my 4 year old is really giving me some issues and the truth is sometimes it’s easy to give up on what you do, but it is not so easy to change who you are!
When we talk about who I am, it is not that I am a stay at home mom.. That’s what I do.. But whether I were a stay at home mom or not I would still be a mother, and mothering is not what you do, it’s a privilege you have after you have given birth to a child. It is something that you always are from the moment that child enters this world.. I can call myself a wife, and a wife can very well be who I am.. but what happens if one day I am not a wife anymore, should I let this then be what defines me..
I think these kinds of thoughts are just a little too deep when I ask myself questions like… “Who is Kevilyn?” What does she like? What is her favorite thing to do? what are her goals and aspirations and what does she really expect to get out of this life..
While I would love to see my children grow up to be successful contributors to making our society a better place to live.. more than that.. one day I will have to kiss them goodbye, one day they will grow up and be their own man and their own women and just as it is now I can control where they go and what they do, there will come a point when I won’t then… Then, Who will Kevilyn Be? It’s the hard questions that make you think.. What does God see when He looks at me? Who did He create from the foundations of the world? Truth is if I know that, it’s a lot easier to handle the seasons I face in life and I am not so frantic because Aniah is not responding well to my new rules and I feel sorry that she is not getting more consequences for her actions that she does not like… I trust that just like this will work out in the end and one day she will call me and have a word of thanks to share.. We will come upon a time when she will get it and I will be fully satisfied that I stuck to my part and knew who I was and did not lose myself in parenting knowing it’s not the only faucet of my life! I won’t be so lost in when this season passes over, more than that I would be consumed with how is this season passing over!
So today I need lots of prayer, I am trying to be a parent who is disciplined and well focused if not whats the purpose of being here.. It makes no sense if they still turn out like the children whose parents went to work and they stayed in a nursery.. what bond it being formed, what good comes out of what I have done.. when I decide these things.. knowing who I am..and whose I am.. I have true peace in this life!