Why do I parent the way I do?
It is helpful for me to review the style of parenting I use by also considering the style in which I was parented.
This may help me understand why I tend to do some of the things I do in parenting!
Most of the time I make decisions when I am yelling at them based on my needs and not their confidence. I think it will help them become independent problem solvers.
What does a successful parenting experience look like to me?
Honestly, I have to say sometimes I look at other parents and I think to myself.. Wow, their children became preachers or great singers, went to college or didn’t get pregnant before they were married and I think of that as a successful parent. I believe in my heart a successful parent raises a child who is sufficient to take care of themselves with no help from anyone but God. It is children who do not get pregnant before they are married and children who get married right out of college. This is the way our society teaches us to look at things! And most of all to me I would think they would be saved and filled with the Holy Ghost living godly lives.
I think for me a successful job has always looked like.. Money! If it didn’t pay anything it was not worth working, because why work it if you can not make a good living, as it stands I am learning now it is better to just do what you love, trust God to take care of you.
Many times I also look at wanting to have Power, when I am on a job, I would not settle for just being an editor I would like to run my own editing company, I think that when Aaron gets promotions or raises on his job it is something to be celebrated as a victory because that’s what we are supposed to be working for, to get ahead, go higher and do more.. But now I am learning, God only truly exalts the humble person.
Then of course I want them to be able to get married and have children of their own, but not just married, I want them to marry the cream of the crop, I want my children to marry people who are saved for real, people who know the Lord and who walk in righteousness and be fruitful and bring grandchildren for Aaron and I.
When Benjamin started going to Kindergarten he liked a little girl whose named was Carmen, I was anxious to see her when I heard about this little crush the first couple of weeks of school, I wanted to scope her out, see what she was like and when I saw her, I looked around the room and thought to myself.. That pretty little girl just spoke to him over there of color, I mean pretty hair and all.. This Carmen, she is white, wears glasses and looks a bit like a hippy, I began to think to myself, now I know my little boy could pick better than this before I began to actually like her, never having fully known her, I just expected him to choose more like the cheerleader type..
It was true I was placing emphasis on Outward Appearance
Honestly, I have been in the rat race with Benjamin wanting him to be at the top of his class, when I hear him speaking of the little girl who got her “Self Manager” I really wanted him to rack up those stickers inwardly so he could be up there too, just like at church I want Aniah to be liked by the other children and the one’s that don’t like her or speak well to her, well, they feel my wrath..
Is this good parenting? Is this the way it’s supposed to be done. Is the goal really defined as the culture defines it and does that really work out so well when we look around to see what the majority of the society is doing with all their money anyway.
It becomes quite funny when you think about it right.. I would never rightly come out and say I wanted my children to have lots of money, to have power wherever they are to control others and I want them to be around people who beautify them.. This is ugly because I want them to be liked by others and when others don’t like them.. Well, I don’t like them..
It is not wrong for me to want these thing for my children but when it becomes such value that I think he would do better with Kaylee than carmen and when I want them to have the same status as the highest achiever in the class.. When I come into play wanting my own agenda is when I go wrong.
My point is this.. God places no value in money, power, beauty, or fame..If these are my goals for my children and not genuine service of others and care and concern for others and not themselves I need to do a little more bible reading. These are difficult teaching because even I have sought these things. True Greatness is this..
That my children practice the golden rule, loving every one as themselves and God more than anything else in life, even if that means take the lowest paying job, pretty much volunteering… for His glory!