This morning I had a “One track Mind” Anyone ever have that before..
I sat my mind to doing one thing, and one thing only, determining to put all my energies and determinations into doing it.. “Braiding my hair” See last month I had some braids put in as a protective style, I was very pleased with the way my hair had grown out and decided it would be something good to invest in learning how to do all by myself.. because that way I would save a whole bunch of money..
The only thing was it was to the neglect of my 4 and 5 year old who were both here with me today and anything else going on around me.
To my detriment I did not notice this until later.. Ever get so caught up in something that you can’t see beyond it, it’s almost as if life stops so you can get this one thing done.. The worst part of it is, I stopped life to learn something and I made no progress.. The feeling of failure.. Nothing like it..
Finally I came to the conclusion, if I were going to get braids I would have to pay someone to do them for me.. That was going to be the end of the story! I had tried and tried and wasted the first part of my day…
Ever exhausted your energy on something that just wasn’t working.. You realize that it is costing you time and money and whatever else, but your still not getting the desired end result.. maybe it’s looking for love in all the wrong places or trying to keep up with the joneses…
I had to stop and be honest with myself at half day point! Why am I trying so hard to have braids in my hair? I had to be honest with myself.. Why did I want those braids in my head so bad? In a moment of total honesty, I had regretted the decision I made to cut my hair 8 months ago when I went natural, not being able to successfully find a hair stylist of natural hair I was greatly discouraged when I started having to go through the twist and turns of growing my hair back out to a desired length.. I kept cutting it down when it would start growing any amount because the truth behind all this was, i did not like the way I looked.. I think I would look better when I have hair I can do something with and I don’t have to look nappy headed all the time.. Well, this was at least what I was really feeling in my mind as I went and tried to forcefully learn a trade I had never previously had a desire for.. I wanted the desire to come for this thing because of my own personal desire..
This did not happen and it was not until I looked in the mirror and was honestly with Kevilynj… I had to come to grips with the fact that I am beautiful.. I am beautiful if I have short hair or long hair, natural or processed, because God created me and He never makes mistakes, only masterpieces, and it’s okay to want braids but in the right context, not to a point where it takes all of my time and energy only to realize when I’m done exhausting all my effort I still haven’t arrived at the destination.
Learn from me.. Ask those hard questions, and ask them early! Get things squared away with yourself before you waste time.. Use time wisely and learn to sow now for a later time.. in your future.. It’s okay for me to get my hair done, but if that becomes all I see and there’s nothing else that can come between that agenda I have missed it some where.. Lord help me to learn how to prioritize well knowing that my body is more important than my hair and my health is more important that what I wear or how I look!
What a great truth I learned …”It’s not my business what you think of me anyway!”